What Facebook Does Not Tell You


Do you really 'LIKE' it?

Dear F, I cannot help thinking about you from early in the morning. I missed you so much last night that I can barely get out of my bed until I have looked at you for a while. On the school bus, in the classroom, when I eat, walk, wait for the bus and even when I go back to my bed after getting done with my day, I turn to you. I do not know since when, but I am wondering if something new has happened to you and go check whether there is news or not.
This might seem like a stalker's monologue, but it is not an unusual day for Facebook users. They often go around checking the posts of people who did not get to sleep until late at night, or who did this or that in the daytime. In addition, they are very willing to volunteer to report what they did and where they were to the timeline. Thanks to the popularity of smart phones, people can access Facebook any time they want, allowing Facebook to be even quicker.
According to Prof. David G. Myers of Hope College in Michigan, people upload pictures of what they eat, where they go, and what they did because of their 'showing mentality' used to bring relief. That is, to show off 'this is how I live' and to find satisfaction of oneself unconsciously brings satisfaction. There are some simple posts that only reflect the current situation, but most posts are about impressive moments of one's life because people want to show and remark on their happy moments. Therefore, the timeline, which shows what people upload, consequently presents the image that others' lives are a continuos circle of happy moments.
The problem is, that people are not always in the best situation. According to a study by Prof. Goncalves of IE Business School in Madrid, Spain, people begin to compare to themselves with others' 'show-offs' on Facebook. When a person gets to a point of thinking that 'others are that happy while I am suffering,' that person may begin to believe that he/she is unfortunate. Actually, a study was published showing that people who have more than a certain numbers of friends on Facebook tend to believe that they are unfortunate compared with others.
In this case, people tend to hide away because of the ‘hiding mentality’ even though they hope that others notice their unhappiness and offer condolences. It works the same in cases where people get depressed by small 'Like' numbers. If a person doesn't have any very good friends in the real world who can offer comfort, he/she will keep writing and keep deleting entries that do not offer the expected level of reaction, believing that he/she is unhappy.
Ideals for happiness are different for everyone. They can be tilted in any way easily depending on one's mind because happiness is relative. Honestly remembering happy moments exactly as they were and the ability to share unhappy memories are highly required activities. It is all about not pretending to be more like others and being just you. Happiness that others see is not important. If you are unhappy because of the happiness shown by others, it is worthless.
It is an amazing thing that we can communicate with anyone no matter how far we are apart. However, when you feel that it is skewing your feelings, be brave and step out from Facebook. If you find yourself clicking the application preconsciously, you may want to just delete the application for a while. Our addiction to the virtual social life is deep beyond our imagination, making it not easy to quit. Why don't you talk with your friends sitting next to you 'face to face,' rather than 'booking' a remote friend’s 'face,' forgetting how to really communicate with your neighbor.

Ji-Hyun Kwon dkherald@gmail.com

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